Ella was 12 years old when she learned that her mum had been diagnosed with cancer. Ella’s mum’s diagnosis of lung cancer came completely out of the blue. It was a moment that would mark the beginning of an incredibly tough road through her teenage years. “I didn’t really understand what cancer meant at the time,” Ella remembers. “But I could feel everything changing.”
“At first, I continued through life as usual, but it was only a matter of time before I realised that I had to embrace reality of my mum’s cancer.”
Throughout high school, Ella and her brother had to grow up fast and independently. With their parents focused on Mum’s health, they navigated school life largely on their own. “It was hard,” she says. “We didn’t want to burden our parents, so we kept things to ourselves. We became emotionally distant without even realising it.”
Ella started struggling and didn’t yet have the tools to process what was happening or to care for her own mental wellbeing. It wasn’t until her grandmother referred her to Canteen that Ella found the support she didn’t know she needed.
At first, opening up about her feelings felt confronting. “Telling someone else what I was going through made it feel more real,” she explains. “But in that first session with my counsellor at Canteen, something shifted. I finally felt heard. I finally felt like maybe I was going to be okay.”
Canteen provided Ella with a safe space and people who understood what she was going through. Her key worker supported her not just through the practicalities of coping, but through the emotional highs and lows, the confusion, and, eventually, the grief that came with losing her mum. “When Mum died, I felt numb all over again,” Ella shares. "But this time, I had something I didn’t have before; strategies, support, and people I could lean on.”
Grief, she learnt, didn’t follow a straight path. At times it felt difficult, exhausting, and completely overwhelming. But Canteen taught Ella to be gentle with herself, to let go of expectations, and to honour her unique experience of loss. “I realised there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s different for everyone, and that’s okay.”
While cancer created distance in some of Ella’s relationships, it also deepened others. Ella found comfort in a close circle of friends who stood by her, and in the new connections she made through Canteen’s leadership programme. Surrounded by other rangatahi who had also been impacted by cancer, she finally felt understood in a way she hadn’t before. “That space Canteen offered filled a void for me,” she says. “I could talk about things I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with other friends - and they just got it.”
Canteen’s support had such a big impact on Ella that it’s stuck with her long after high school. The support she experienced was so powerful, it inspired her to go on and study social work, driven by a desire to help others in the same way she had been helped. “Canteen changed my outlook completely,” Ella reflects. “They helped me
discover strength in myself I didn’t even know I had. And now, I want to support others to find that in themselves too.”
Today, Ella’s still a big part of Canteen – stepping up in leadership and supporting other rangatahi going through tough times. For her, it’s more than just staying connected. It’s a way to honour her mum and the people who were there for her when she needed it most.
“Being part of Canteen helped me heal, but more than that, it helped me grow. I’ll always be grateful for that.”
