Mother’s Day can evoke a mix of feelings, especially for those who have a Mum being treated for cancer or who have lost their Mum to cancer. Coping with Mother's Day can be difficult if you’re going through times of big change, loss and grief.

Here are some ideas to help you cope with Mother's Day:

If your Mum has cancer this Mother's Day

For those who have a Mum being treated for cancer, Mother’s Day can be a unique experience. While you might not be celebrating the way you usually would, finding meaningful ways to connect and show appreciation can make the day special. 

Simple gestures can have a big impact. Here are a few ideas: 

• Write a letter to Mum, mentioning a special memory that has stuck with you. If you’re feeling creative, add a drawing, create a photo collage, or include pressed flowers. Maybe when you give Mum the letter, you could ask if they have a memory to share about their own childhood or from parenting. 
• Put together a playlist of songs, create a comfy space and make time to hang out. What is your some of your Mum's favourite things? Is Mum a fan of hand massages? Tea or coffee? Toast? See what you might be able to do that will be easily achievable yet a nice thing to do together.
• Make something for your Mum. Whether you are crafty or can cook, there will be something that, with a little pre planning and preparation, can be made. The internet is filled with ideas! Remember it doesn’t have to be huge or elaborate. 
• Take photos together to mark the moment. If you or Mum aren’t feeling camera ready, think outside the box. You could take a picture of your hands together, it doesn’t have to be a traditional family portrait.

• Are you able to get out and about? Go to a place where you feel connected. This could be a park, beach, or a cafe. Take a stroll, breathe in the fresh air and if possible, talk about fond memories or funny occurrences. 

   

If you’re dealing with Mother’s Day without your Mum 

For those grieving the loss of a Mum, it's important to remember that there's no right or wrong way to feel. Grief has no rules - there is no set road map and you might even find that you experience a whole range of different emotions. That’s perfectly normal and fine. Be kind to yourself and don’t place too much pressure on yourself to think or feel a particular way. 

Here are a few suggestions to help cope with Mother's Day without your mum easier.:

• Consider writing a letter to your Mum. Though she may not be here, putting your thoughts on paper can be a way to validate your emotions and feel closer to her.  
• Focus on a good memory. Bereavement can often bring up feelings of regret, such as wishing you had spent more time together. If you’re experiencing similar thoughts, try instead to focus on the time you did have. 
• Hold a memorial. It doesn’t have to be a big event, it could mean lighting a candle or visiting a special place. 
• Ease the pain of the day by surrounding yourself with supportive people or planning something with friends to distract you.  

Other guidance on coping with Mother's Day

Anticipation: it's common to want to avoid thinking about coping with Mother's Day, but planning ahead can make a positive difference to how you feel. Make some time to do some things you enjoy, or make some plans with a trusted friend or whānau.

Make your own choices: take some time to think through what you want to do during this challenging time. Choose if you want to keep up traditions or perhaps do something new and different to mark Mother's Day. Decide who you’d like to have with you at events you do choose to be a part of, or if there may be times you want to be on your own.

Compromise: Everyone is different and friends and whānau likely have different views about coping with Mother's Day. Try to respect each other’s needs by agreeing to find ways to compromise. . What are you happy to compromise on? What things are so important to you that you don’t want to compromise on them?