For Friends

Knowing how to come to terms with what is happening may take time and good communication with your friend. You may need your friend's assistance to overcome your discomfort. Read what those living with cancer have suggested to their own friends.

What helped me get through this difficult time is the support from my many friends. Unfortunately, cancer at 18 has meant I have lost contact with some, but its reinforced one friendship in particular.

Prudence, Hawkes bay.

How to be a good friend to us...

• Share everything that you used to share and even more.
• Understand that cancer is only part of my life.
• Just listen to me without judgement or advice.
• If I am confused or frustrated, help me find out what I want or need and how to best go about getting it.
• Continue to discover new things together like new books, music, movies and places to visit.
• Don't be afraid to ask questions about cancer and how I am feeling; I will let you know if I don't want to talk about it.
• Come and hang out with me for a day at the hospital while I am or my sibling is in hospital, or visit us at home.
• Email me, text me, send me mail and call me as much as you would like; I can get bored and lonely so the more contact the better.
• Send me jokes, videotapes, music and do things with me that will make us laugh and relieve some of the stress.
• Enlist other friends to visit or call me regularly.
• Invite me over for meals while my parents are busy or away.
• Be the "silly" friend that shows up with bubbles, joke books, silly strings, rub on tattoos.
• If I am away in another city for treatment or staying with my sibling while they are on treatment, I will miss talking to my friends; a gift of a prepaid phone card to know that I can call you while I am away is a great way to show your support.
• If you want to show support by having a fundraiser, please talk to my family and me first. I might feel uncomfortable with taking others' money and may be able to suggest other ways you can support me that honour my family's privacy and me.
• Provide transportation so a group of friends can come and visit while I am away from school.
• Be my friend, and support me though all the stages of cancer. A lot of friends and family will be around at the beginning, providing support, but support over the long haul is also necessary. Try and be that consistent friend that I know I can always rely on.
• As time goes on, check to see if my needs are changing, and how you can assist with those needs.
• If you ask me "How are you feeling?" and I answer "fine," beware! Just in case you didn't know FINE really means Freaking out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. What I am really thinking is I am not fine: I have cancer. I am avoiding talking about it because "if we don't talk about it we don't really have to face it. And if we don't face it we don't have to deal with it. And if we don't deal with it, it won't bother us. Right? Wrong! As my friend you may be thinking "I don't want to make my friend feel bad by talking about it." But I might want to talk about it. If we don't talk about it I am left alone thinking about it..."