Brothers & Sisters

They are lucky to have you as a supportive young person. You will be able to relate to some of the additional stresses, fears and challenges your sister/brother and your entire family are facing. While being a support person to them and your parents is something you probably want to do for your family, it is important that you are aware of your feelings and find ways to cope with your emotions. You're probably frightened for your sister/brothers future, and how cancer may change your relationship. The crazy thing is, your brother or sister's cancer is already changing your special relationship - you are probably experiencing new feelings about your sibling that you have never felt before.

My older brother lives in Auckland and he comes down nearly every weekend. Weve become more like friends than brothers, so my cancer has definitely brought us closer together.

Brook, Waikato

It's totally normal to find yourself feeling:

• A greater appreciation of the way your sibling contributes to your life.
• Worried about your sister/brother and the amount of time you can spend with him or her.
• Fearful that your sibling may not survive cancer.
• Jealous or resentful of the amount of time your parents spend worrying or taking care of your sibling.
• Left out when family and friends are always asking about your brother or sister.
• Lonely and missing your parents.
• Sad and depressed.
• Totally helpless at making things better.
• Guilty when you have fun and enjoy yourself.
• Scared of how your parents are coping with your sisters/brothers cancer.
• Concerned of your own mortality and fearful of developing cancer yourself.
• Angry for the continued attention your sibling receives even when he or she is in remission.

Ways to help you cope

Sometimes it's hard to understand the feelings you're having but  having a safe place or person to express them to is important for your emotional and physical well-being and for maintaining your relationship with your sibling AND your parents.

• Arrange a tour of the hospital so you can see the tools and techniques used during treatment.
• Ask your family to communicate openly about the cancer and be involved in the medical aspects throughout treatment and into survivorship.
• Ask your friends to help you with transportation, chores and homework when you are feeling overwhelmed or just want some extra company.
• Be assured that it is very rare for you to also develop cancer.
• Carry a picture of your sister/brother and email or send them messages if he or she is in hospital.
• Share your feelings about the illness and how it is impacting on the family.
• Keep living your life and doing the things you enjoy doing.
• Let your teachers and school know the extra stress that you and your family are going through.
• Keep a diary of your thoughts and feelings.