The best way for you to understand how cancer has affected your
parents is to sit them down and ask them!
Living with cancer will have a direct impact on your parents and
your family dynamics. You may be use to seeing your parents as a
strong family unit that share and support each other through
everyday life. When everyday life is threatened and a child's life
is in danger, the family unit can be under a lot of additional
stress. Some families get stronger and other families grow further
apart throughout the cancer experience.
The family unit often has to be reorganised. Families sometimes
decide to move closer to their main treatment centre, one parent
may decide to quit their job and support the patient, while the
other parent and the rest of the whanua come together to support
the other family members by maintaining the routines of everyday
life. Because your parents are both unique individuals they will
both have their own methods of coping.
Ways your parents may choose to cope:
- becoming more knowledgeable about adolescent cancer by working
with the medical team in decision making.
- consenting to the medical team focusing on the physical illness
while they focus on the emotional well being of their family.
- joining cancer support groups like the Child Cancer
Foundation.
- becoming advocates for their child and other adolescent cancer
patients.
- seeking assistance from family and friends.
- pretending nothing has happened.
- spending more time with the family and trying to protect them
from any more suffering.
Your whole world is turned upside down, it is so hard
to put into words the mix of emotions that you feel. You keep
thinking why my child. But even though your heart is so broken you
will find strength and the love and support you will receive from
your family and friends will astound you.
Pat Johnston, Oamaru
However your parents and family decide to cope it is important
that each family figures our what's best for them.
Parents of young adult cancer patients may find themselves with
an additional challenge. Young adult cancer patients play a large
role in making their own medical decisions about treatment. Because
parents are more experienced in managing the family's healthcare
they may be interested in making healthcare decisions for the young
adult. However, maintaining a healthy balance of independence will
be important to the young adult. Open, and honest communication
with the parents, young adult and medical team will help to ensure
all family members feel a part of the decision making process and
empowered about the young adults preferred choice of treatment.
Parents are forever affected by a cancer experience. If a child
dies, their parents will live with long lasting grief. If the child
survives they will have fears of reoccurrence, and if there are
physical or emotional side effects they will more then likely spend
the rest of their lives dealing with them. Parents may also find
there are positive changes due to their cancer experience, like
being able to focus more on the family and what is really important
in life. The best way for you to understand more about how cancer
has affected your parents is to sit down and ask your parents. You
may be surprised how open and honest they will be with you. They
will probably be touched by you thinking of them and will
appreciate your thoughtfulness.