I returned home to Titahi Bay, Porirua for Christmas and New
Years and one Saturday night went out on the town with a close
friend. We'd both just turned 18 so clubbing was the usual fun
thing to do, but we both decided not to drink. I would normally
have spent my Sunday's bed bound but as I hadnt touched a drink, I
expected to be up early. To my surprise, I felt worse than any
hangover I had expreienced before. I was so dizzy and very
confused. My Nan even had to help me regain my balance walking down
the hall way. She was not impressed as she thought I was just
hungover. This lasted only a few hours so I decided to ignore
it and put it down to the late night.
I returned to work in Tauranga but the nausea soon returned. At
the time I was caught up in so much other drama (not even worth
going into!); I thought the dizziness was the least of my
troubles so the day after my contract at work expired, I was on the
first plane home.
Once home I decided to go and see the doctor as it was getting
worse - at night id get so dizzy from lying down that id have to be
sick and I wouldn't be able to get to sleep until id pretty much
emptied my stomach. The doctor told me I had Vertigo, which is an
inner ear infection, and prescribed me anti nausea pills which
would help me sleep at night. This concerned my Nan as the pills
were most commonly used for people with schizophrenia. My friends
on the other hand found this very amusing.
I was to return to the doctor once I'd completed my pills but as
the nausea still remained I was referred to a neurologist in 2
month's time and given amoxicillin.
The following month was hard work as I had to learn how to
control the nausea on my own. Most nights id stay up being sick
until my stomach was empty, other nights Id manage to fight off the
nausea, usually by using stacked pillows or moving into some
uncomfortable position. I was tired, frustrated and
scared.
But, this was only the start of my problems. Within a period of
three weeks 'other things' started to happen. My voice became
nasally, I couldn't talk very loud and was constantly out of
breath. The left side of my face became numb, followed by my left
hand and then my left leg affecting my walking. I went to see the
doctor again and the moment I arrived my GP noticed the lack of
symmetry in my face, and once id explained everything that had
happened in the past few weeks, she upped my case to urgent and I
was to to go to the neurologist the following week.
Mum and I arrived at Dr Mossmans practise and waited patiently
in the small waiting room. When he called us in, he got straight to
work. Doing all these little but apparently important tests like
scrunching up my face or even smiling! It was amazing seeing all
the things I could and couldn't do. He then began to talk into his
Dictaphone for his assistant to write out later where he explained
an MRI was required and urgent surgery was expected to follow. I
swear my heart skipped a beat.
I wasn't very sociable that weekend. All I could think about was
having surgery. I was so scared, but I didn't want to let any of my
family know that just in case I freaked them out too. The last
thing I wanted was my family to worry. As if they weren't worried
enough!
Come Monday, we tried to have the MRI at the private hospital,
but my nausea was so strong I couldn't lie down for longer than 5
seconds so they wouldn't do it. We really needed the scans so Dr
Mossman arranged for us to go to Wellington hospital where they
could sedate me. I went through so many doctors, and so many drugs
just to get rid of the nausea for 10 minutes!. Eventually I managed
to control the nausea long enough and the MRI was taken and we got
the scans.
The day had been so long. Hours of waiting and waiting! Mum
promised me KFC when it was all over so at least I had something to
look forward to. We walked into Dr Mossmans hospital office to what
we hoped was the last thing we had to do that day, and he showed us
the scans. 4 black and white pictures of my brain at different
angles, it was very graphical. You could see the sausage like
curves in my brain, my eyeballs, the lining of my skull... and
there it was a white little ball, about half the size of my eye,
sitting in the middle of my brain.
Dr Mossman then spoke a whole lot of medical terms to one of his
colleagues and suggested I be admitted into the short stay as it
would be easier and quicker for me to see the Neuro Surgeon. This
really made me mad because it meant no KFC but I did as he
said.
I spent a very frustrating week in short stay, sitting in my bed
waiting all day. With students coming in and out seeing if they
could figure out what was wrong with me. I didn't really mind that
at all, just when you hear heels walking down the corridor towards
your bed, you get all excited only to have those feelings crash and
burn when you realise its not the surgeon. I didn't end up being
seen by my surgeon and was told they would call with the date and
time of my surgery. Of course I should have been mad about short
stay being a waste of time, but I was going home and I could have
my KFC so I was happy.
The second we walked through the door the phone rang. First
thing Monday morning was the scheduled time. So I had the weekend
to rest up for the big day. Sunday was mother's day and I got to
have lunch with my family before having to go into hospital that
evening and prep for the mornings surgery.
I didn't get much sleep in the hospital that night. I spent most
of the night crying. Luckily the lady sharing a room with me I'd
already met in short stay. She helped me out by making me feel like
I wasn't alone.
I was woken up at 4am that morning, just when id fallen asleep.
The nurse then asked me to take a shower and put on one of the
silly night gowns. She then took a few basic tests and then I was
to wait for someone from the surgical team to come and get me. My
Mum then arrived about 20 minutes before the surgical nurse arrived
to take me. They wheeled me down in my bed and put me in a small
waiting corner where I waited and waited...apparently someone had
turned up the heat in the operating theatre to 26 degrees so they
were waiting for the temperature drop...just my luck. Once we got
the ok, I was wheeled into the theatre, where the first thing I
noticed was the knives and how many there were - as if I wasn't
freaking out enough. I was then given my anaesthetic and
asked to count backwards from ten. I don't even remember making it
to nine.
I woke up to my name being called and I just remember being numb
and extremely thirsty. The surgeon came in for a post-op
check, and I asked him if I had snored during the op but I think he
lied when he said yes.
The next few hours are a bit of a blur but I remember eating a
whole lot of ice cubes to quench my thirst. Eventually I was
moved to the post-op ward where for 2 days I pretty much just
slept, drank water and slept some more.
After a week in recovery, the results from the surgery finally
came back. One of the neurosurgeons explained that the tumour
was an aggressive type of cancer called Glioblastoma
Multiforme. At the time I didn't really understand what he
was saying but I knew it was pretty serious - I felt like giving
him a slap but then he said that I could go home so I let him
off. Before we left for home, we met with my oncologist-to-be
Dr Hamilton who answered our initial questions and informed us of
the plan of attack. I was to have 6 weeks Radiation and
Chemotherapy treatment. Things were happening so fast it was
hard to take in.
I was given a week of rest and relaxation before all my
treatment started. Most of my time was spent with family, asleep in
bed or catching up with friends. It was so nice to know i still had
a few loyal friends.
First day of radiation and i was so nervous. My mum drove me in
and my Grandad tagged along. I spent quite a while in there,
switching from machine to machine, making new alignments, taking
new scans etc. I had to wear this white ugly looking mask with
little holes in it so that my head would be completely still during
radiation. Once it was finally over, i walked out to find my
Grandad in the waiting room doing the 1000 piece puzzle they have
out. Over the time of my treatment, my family got stuck into the
puzzles and sometimes I wondered if they didn't come to drive me to
treatment, but came to do the puzzles.
The days eventually started to blur together. I was so used to
the routine i wouldn't even know what day it was. Id started taking
my chemo pills and found myself getting weaker and weaker. After a
few weeks of treatment i found i was very tired. I even started
having nanny naps in the afternoon. Months or possibly years
before, i remember hoping I'd never need to have nanny naps, but
there i was, being a granny having sleeps in the afternoons.
Finally it was my last day of treatment. I met so many lovely
people in there who were also finishing within the next few days;
they were what i was really going to miss. I walked out of the
radiation room with a big smile on my face and as i walked into the
waiting room my mum was there waiting for me with a high 5! My
Grandad was still on the puzzle so i thought, hopefully we never
have to come back here and perhaps it wouldn't hurt to let him have
a bit more time to finish it.
That following Saturday was my 19th birthday. i had a
small get together with my friends. It was so good to see them all
again. As a treat i decided to fly up to rotorua to visit my
grandparents for a week. The weather was beautiful compared to
wellington. So i spent most of my time resting in the sun. It was
exactly what i needed.
Now days i spend most of my time at home drawing and painting
and every odd weekend me, my mum and my two year old sister would
drive up to Hastings to visit my sisters family. At the moment i am
on my second course of chemotherapy. However this time, rather than
taking my pills everyday, i take them for 5 days - once a
month - for 6 months. Therefore I'm still a bit weak. I cannot wait
to get my energy back!
I'm not quite sure what the future holds as of yet. With my
health, we have a few months to wait before anything can be
confirmed. And generally, i'd like to get back into school.
Hopefully in 2011, fingers crossed. Perhaps this time give
university a try. I'm really interested in medicine at the moment.
I never would have dreamed of studying medicine if i hadn't of gone
through all of this. So maybe this is my silver lining.