The best way for you to understand how cancer has affected your parents is to sit them down and ask them!

Living with cancer will have a direct impact on your parents and your family dynamics. You may be use to seeing your parents as a strong family unit that share and support each other through everyday life. When everyday life is threatened and a child’s life is in danger, the family unit can be under a lot of additional stress. Some families get stronger and other families grow further apart throughout the cancer experience.

The family unit often has to be reorganised. Families sometimes decide to move closer to their main treatment centre, one parent may decide to quit their job and support the patient, while the other parent and the rest of the whanua come together to support the other family members by maintaining the routines of everyday life. Because your parents are both unique individuals they will both have their own methods of coping.

• becoming more knowledgeable about adolescent cancer by working with the medical team in decision making.
• consenting to the medical team focusing on the physical illness while they focus on the emotional well being of their family.
• joining cancer support groups like the Child Cancer Foundation.
• becoming advocates for their child and other adolescent cancer patients.
• seeking assistance from family and friends.
• pretending nothing has happened.
• spending more time with the family and trying to protect them from any more suffering.

"Your whole world is turned upside down, it is so hard to put into words the mix of emotions that you feel. You keep thinking why my child. But even though your heart is so broken you will find strength and the love and support you will receive from your family and friends will astound you." - Pat Johnston, Oamaru

However your parents and family decide to cope it is important that each family figures our what’s best for them.

Parents of young adult cancer patients may find themselves with an additional challenge. Young adult cancer patients play a large role in making their own medical decisions about treatment. Because parents are more experienced in managing the family’s healthcare they may be interested in making healthcare decisions for the young adult. However, maintaining a healthy balance of independence will be important to the young adult. Open, and honest communication with the parents, young adult and medical team will help to ensure all family members feel a part of the decision making process and empowered about the young adults preferred choice of treatment.

Parents are forever affected by a cancer experience. If a child dies, their parents will live with long lasting grief. If the child survives they will have fears of reoccurrence, and if there are physical or emotional side effects they will more then likely spend the rest of their lives dealing with them. Parents may also find there are positive changes due to their cancer experience, like being able to focus more on the family and what is really important in life. The best way for you to understand more about how cancer has affected your parents is to sit down and ask your parents. You may be surprised how open and honest they will be with you. They will probably be touched by you thinking of them and will appreciate your thoughtfulness.