When a sibling or friend dies young people are often shocked by the intensity of their grief and the effect it is having on their lives. It is important to know that there is no ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to feel or respond to the death of a loved one. If you have experienced the loss of a loved one it may help to talk about your feelings with others. You will probably be relieved to discover that you are not alone in feeling the way you do- other people that knew your loved one are grieving too. You may think other people are not grieving as much as you are, but they probably are, just in a different way.* Grief can be expressed in many different ways. Some people feel extreme sadness and cry a lot. Others feel out of control and get angry. Some people say they have a hard time sleeping while others sleep a lot. However you feel and respond to your grief, you have the right to experience your loss in your own way. It may help to know that you won’t always feel this bad. After a while the intense feelings will decrease and more happy times will return. Sad thoughts may continue to pop into your mind every so often, even when you are enjoying yourself, but that is ok. When this occurs, try to remember something special that you learned from your loved one, or a happy time that you shared together that will always be with you.

We wish there was a cure for cancer and that people did not die from the disease. There is nothing you can do to change what has happened, but there is much you can do to help yourself. Talk to whomever you want, whenever you want. Find healthy ways to remove yourself from what has happened and enjoy yourself every so often. Don’t be afraid to seek support from the people and those organisations that are there to help you. You will be able to honour the life of your loved one if you find ways to make meaning from his or her life.

"My best mate was my big brother Glendon who was 16 at the time. I watched him slowly deteriorate before my eyes as he battled cancer of the liver. The loss of my brother, my closest mate had a huge impact on my life, but since I have been involved with CanTeen, I can help other young people going through the same harrowing experiences - and they can help me!" - Hayden Webber.

*(Gootman, 1994, When a friend dies: A book for teens about grieving and healing, Freespirit Publishing: USA)